Dream Warrior: What I Tell Every Filmmaker Who Wants to Quit

I am in a dark corner of an abandoned bar at the racetrack where Jimmy keeps his office. This morning I walked into that office and tried to quit. “Kid,” he said, “you are my guy ’til the end.” My heart dropped into my shoes. I had practiced that speech in the mirror a hundred times. I cried in the elevator, and now I sit here for hours, asking God to please let me out.

I know that dark corner, so here is what I would say to any filmmaker who wants to quit.

You are a dream warrior

In the last pages of Shooting for the Mob, I wrote a note to anyone chasing a dream. You are some of the bravest souls on the planet, I said. You have the courage to follow your dream, whatever that might be. Most people never make it that far. You are a warrior, a dream warrior. That is the closing line I give every reader, and I mean it.

But I do not say it to flatter you. A warrior is not someone who never wants to quit. A warrior is someone who wanted to quit, and checked.

“A warrior is someone who wanted to quit, and checked.”

The Four Vows

Here is what I have to offer, built from that letter. I call it the Four Vows.

• 1. Check where the dream comes from. If it comes from a pure place and not from ego, you will get there. I promise you. I wrote that, and I stand by it. If it comes from ego, you may be chasing a trophy, not a dream.
• 2. Stay open. Your dream may change. What I wanted to direct in my twenties does not do it for me in my forties. Be open to opportunities that are not exactly what you are looking for. The more you fight the change, the more you struggle.
• 3. Take calculated risks, but take risks. Take calculated chances, but take chances. You never know what will happen until you try.
• 4. One step at a time. It might take years or even decades. One step at a time is all it takes.

Why I can say this

Look at what I have already admitted in these pages. I was raised in an environment that always allowed me to quit. So my first instinct, every time things got uncomfortable, was to leave. In the Jimmy years, the universe put me in a situation that did not allow that. I did not get out until I could, and I came out on the other side with a different relationship to my own ego.

I also lost money, a relationship and most of a year in a friend’s garage sorting comic books. I know what the bottom feels like. And I know that I got out of it by taking one small step, then another.

When quitting is the right call

I am not going to tell you never to stop. Your dream may change, and that is not quitting. If the thing you are chasing no longer lights you up, stop and ask why. If you want to quit because the road is hard, you are probably standing in the middle of the test. If you want to quit because it is no longer your dream, you may just be changing.

Lesson and next step

If you are about to quit, take one step first. Then read why failure is the teacher, what I learned about ego in filmmaking and what the power within you means on an ordinary day. The letter is in the last pages of Shooting for the Mob. Be well, and follow that dream.